Wild and Fevered Read online

  He nuzzled her mouth and murmured, “Only for you.”

  Then she laughed all over again. Cupping his face in her hands, she sighed. Forehead to forehead, she reveled in his nearness. “I missed you, too. You know my wanting to be away wasn’t that I didn’t want you.”

  “I do.” He peppered her with gentle kisses from her eyelashes to her lips before moving to her jaw. “You and your wolf must learn to trust each other. I understand this, though it doesn’t make it easier for me to be apart from you.”

  “Wait…if you were there with Olivia, why didn’t you stop me?”

  “From playing with her?” He grazed the side of her throat with his teeth, an affectionate nip.

  “Yes. You haven’t trusted my wolf around the others, but you didn’t interfere.”

  Another bite, then he straightened to meet her gaze. “You love Olivia, genuinely and affectionately. That counts for something with our wolves. Olivia’s also not afraid of you.”

  Mariska considered his words. With a rueful twist of her lips, she said, “And you were close and Jason closer. If necessary, one or both of you could have stopped me.” She had no doubts Jason Kane would strike her if he thought she meant to harm Olivia. Only a few weeks before, when Olivia had gone missing, he’d proved capable of harming her and Cody, if needs be.

  “I would have done it,” Cody said, curling a lock of her hair around one finger. “I wouldn’t have allowed him to hurt you.”

  “He wouldn’t have done permanent damage.” She believed Jason would never do harm without deliberate provocation. “He only wants to keep Olivia safe.”

  “As I do you.” Apparently, Cody harbored no such illusions. “But you wouldn’t hurt her. Nor would your wolf. I think she likes Olivia as much as you do. You were both quite sweet in how you played.”

  Flushing, she dropped her gaze and twisted in his lap to turn the rabbit so it would cook evenly. The coffee smelled ready and, with care, she removed it from the fire and poured two tin mugs. Cody accepted his and kept one arm around her waist. Settling with her back on his chest, she sighed. Her wolf hadn’t stirred with his arrival, but she’d been exhausted from three days of keeping Mariska from surfacing.

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Of course,” he said, spreading his fingers over her abdomen.

  “How did you learn to talk to your wolf?”

  Instead of answering immediately, he rubbed his cheek against her hair. The wood crackled and outside the cave, a fine mist of rain began to fall again. “I always spoke to him, I think.” Another pause, then he said, “I don’t know if I said more than a few words in the first few months. I remember being cold and saying cold. Then the wolf would take us somewhere warmer, burrow to get away from the wind. Or I would tell him I was hungry and we would find food. My needs were basic, so were his responses.”

  “So not full sentences or conversation like you and I have?”

  “No. Even when I was older we didn’t talk that way. His needs always remained basic, very simple. Hunt. Pack. Mate.” A note of wryness entered his tone. “Enemy. I changed more than he did.”

  Was that the problem, then? Was she trying to communicate beyond what her wolf could comprehend? Sipping the bitter chicory, she grimaced. If she’d had a spice or even a little sweetener, it would be better. Still, it was hot and warmed her. Her mate’s nearness warmed her more.

  “You said she spoke to you.” Cody gave her a light squeeze, reminding her she hadn’t said anything more after his answer.

  “She wanted to find you,” Mariska admitted. “When you answered our call. I told her not yet. Because she and I needed to talk…she didn’t answer me exactly, but I could tell she didn’t like the idea. She wanted you more. I had to ask a couple of times. When she finally agreed, I was surprised.”

  “So she acknowledged you.” It wasn’t a question. “And did what you wanted rather than find me.”

  “Yes,” she said, a kernel of success blooming inside of her. “Unfortunately, she didn’t answer me again, but I’m wondering if it was because of what I asked.”

  Around her, Cody went predator still. Aware of his response, but clinging to the thread she’d begun to tug on, Mariska stared at the fire.

  “Is it possible that my wolf would listen to me more if I tried…talking to her in simpler terms?”

  “Perhaps.” Not the answer she wanted to hear. Despite his lack of adding more, she suspected he held something back.

  Twisting, she angled her head so she could study him. “What aren’t you telling me?”

  After draining his chicory and setting the tin cup aside, he said with a sigh, “I have a suspicion.”

  “But?” Because he didn’t finish telling her what he thought.

  “But this is your journey and you made it clear you want to do this on your own. That you need to do it on your own. I do not want to color your actions or thoughts with my beliefs.”

  Hard to argue his logic and at the same time, her resentment softened. He meant what he said. He wanted her to resolve her issues and he was intent upon giving her the time and space to accomplish it all. “Tell me,” she said. “You do know more than me. I would like your help if you’re willing to give it to me, even after I behaved so badly.”

  Cody chuckled and stroked his finger down her cheek in a teasing caress. “You are my heart, you cannot behave badly. I want to help you, but maybe your first choice to do this on your own was the best one. You’ve already spoken to her. You have some memories from when your wolf was in ascendance and you played with Olivia. These are all signs of progress.”

  True. They were. Still… “I needed to know if I could and I can. I also discovered I don’t like being away from you for days at a time. So, yes, I do want your help.”

  He gave her a long considering glance and then reached past her to turn the rabbit before settling her once more with her back to his chest. Cradling her in his arms, he pressed his lips to her ear and spoke in a soft tone. “I think your wolf is young. Younger even than you. My wolf was born when I was a child and he grew with me. Yours was born in the last two years. You can control yourself, you think through situations, act on your information and intuition.”

  “But my wolf reacts on instinct.” Instincts an animal was likely to be born with. Instincts which drove her to be close to her pack, her mate in particular. It made a twisted, yet valid sort of sense. “She’s a child.”

  “A juvenile. Perhaps as young, in some ways, as little Cate.” The young Fevered girl had recently turned six. Sweet, nearly cherubic, she had the ability to recognize Fevered because of their ‘sparkles’ as she put it. Young, too young to wrestle with the morality or problems associated with their gifts, everyone treated her exactly as she was—a child to be cared for, taught, and raised. Nothing more.

  Children, however, did not always react well to structure or to commands. During her youth, Mariska had taken every opportunity to push her father and her grandmother to the edge. Fiercely independent, she wanted to make her own decisions—even if they were the wrong ones. Babchi had once thrown up her hands declaring her to be djolano—a mule. She had to incur the injury to benefit from the lesson.

  He rubbed her arm. “What are you thinking?”

  “I’m wondering how much of us becomes the wolf. I mean, you and yours were together so young and you were as taciturn as your beast.” And as hot-tempered and blunt to the point of painful. It was his bluntness that had made her so angry in the first place because she thought he’d rejected her in a cruel manner. But for Cody, to cut right to the point and ignore the social niceties was a fundamental part of her nature.

  “I don’t know. Like you, I am learning as we go.” Another harsh truth. The only other wolf he had made was the wicked black wolf that had attacked them on the mountain. They knew almost nothing about the man, save he had been insane by the time they encountered him. What he had been before? None could say. Was he mad before the change? Or had the change
driven him mad?

  “This is so frustrating.” She didn’t like to lose control, and yet—even as she fought the wolf, she would weary and eventually the wolf won. Except in the last few days. Her wolf had listened to her.

  Listened and responded. Inspired, she scooted forward and turned the rabbit once more. It was beginning to crisp and soon they would be able to eat. Switching positions so she could straddle Cody’s lap, she met her husband’s gaze and smiled. “I want to try something.”

  Desire heated his eyes and she laughed.

  “No, not that. At least not yet.”

  To his credit, he grimaced, but accepted her statement. “What do you want to do?”

  “I want to wake her up and try to stay human. You’re here and she’s missed you as much as I have. It seems only fair that she know you’re here.”

  Canting his head to the side, he considered her. If he’d been in his wolf form, his ears would have focused on her. “All right. If you cannot stop the change, don’t fight her. Release her and help her with the shift.”

  Not entirely certain she was ready to do that, she nodded anyway. “Here’s hoping I don’t. I already destroyed my other clothes and not much else back there fits me.”

  Her mate laughed. “I will find you more, I promise.”

  Believing his word—and in him—she nodded, then closed her eyes. Setting her hands on his shoulders, she steadied her breathing and grounded herself in his heartbeat and nearness. His scent filled her lungs, and inside her that knot of tension loosened. Yes, she still didn’t have his control nor did she have all the answers she wanted and likely still faced a fight to achieve the peace she craved—yet at the same time, she wanted to be nowhere else…

  Opening her eyes, she gazed at her mate. “Cody.”

  “Yes?”

  “No matter what happens or how frustrated I grow, I would choose no other path.” Not when the chance might have meant not being with him.

  His smile grew and transformed him to heart stoppingly handsome. Rugged. Beautiful. And mine.

  Ours. Her wolf roused inside, sleepy and not fully awake. Between one blink and the next, Mariska felt her eyes change. Cody cupped her cheek and his expression softened.

  “Hello, little one,” he said in a gentle voice.

  “Mate,” her wolf responded and Mariska felt the word take shape and flow from her lips. The sensation was so bizarre and yet it fascinated her utterly.

  “Mine,” Cody nipped her bottom lip and her wolf shook with excitement, shedding more of her sleepiness. Like Mariska, the wolf’s agitation shed upon seeing him.

  “Tired,” her wolf admitted.

  “Then sleep,” he told her, but then seemed to rethink the command. “If you and Mariska wish.”

  “Hmm.” The wolf paused and a fresh wave of confusion swamped her. The choice made it difficult. She wanted to sleep, but she wanted to be with her mate, too. Maybe sleep for a while, then wake. Would the wolf listen to her? I promise I will wake you before he leaves.

  Her wolf considered the promise. After a yawn, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to Cody’s. He welcomed her kiss, but kept it gentle and his passion leashed. Affection laced the kiss, affection and a promise.

  Sleep. Her wolf whispered and then settled. Mariska blinked and the shift to her eyes the last sign of the wolf settling back to sleep. Delight speared her. She’d done it.

  With Cody present.

  Pride for her beamed in his eyes. She’d done it.

  Now could they do it again?

  Cody

  Quanto sat on the opposite side of the fire, his attention on the stars appearing in the night sky. The rain, it seemed, had passed. Or had it? The old shaman who had raised him was on the mountain, far from the Flying K, was a dreamwalker. In the dreaming, the world could look like anything. Next to him, Mariska didn’t stir. The blankets had fallen away, leaving her bare from the waist up. Shifting her carefully, he resettled his mate in the bedroll and disentangled himself. After drawing the covering over her, he pulled on a pair of britches and circled the fire to join his father.

  The old man’s visage seemed chiseled from stone or perhaps shaped from the oldest, most worn leather. His snow-white hair showed signs of thinning and his aged shoulders were stooped. Still, light and intelligence gleamed in his eyes and he gave Cody a smile. “You took your time letting me rouse you into the dreaming.”

  “I am with my mate and she needs me.” He wouldn’t apologize for his choice, though he was happy to see the old shaman. “I have missed you, Father.”

  “You honor me, but sit and tell me why you are all these miles from your brothers and sister.”

  Accepting the invitation, Cody sat down on the stone next to his father. The urge to keep Mariska’s problems to himself stayed his tongue. Sharing her with anyone was not something he wished to do, not even his father. However, Quanto was wise and had not only raised Cody and all his siblings, but he had trained numerous Fevered during his long life.

  With great reluctance, he explained Mariska’s frustrations and struggles. Revealing his mate’s weakness went against everything in him. Yet, he and his wolf trusted Quanto—trusted his wisdom, and his judgment. “So, we came here. She wants the time to know her wolf, to learn to tame her without me interfering.”

  “Yet, you are with her?” Did amusement truly color the question?

  “I want to be here and I gave her several days, but…” He’d missed his mate. Missed the sound of her voice, the laughter in her words and the bite of her wit…

  “I think you both focus on the wrong issue,” Quanto said after a protracted silence. When he added nothing else, Cody glanced back at his mate slumbering behind them and then to his father again.

  “Which is?” Despite his best intentions, he couldn’t swallow his growl.

  Favoring him with a benevolent smile, Quanto spread his hands drawing Cody’s attention to their leathery quality. Their father had always seemed older and wiser, yet in the long months since they’d left the mountain, he’d grown more stooped and wizened as though the weight of his years had truly become a burden. “Consider for a moment the disagreements you had with your own wolf.”

  The only major disagreement had been over Mariska. Her wolf did not object to him as his wolf had to her. So that argument did not carry much water. “Father, I appreciate your wisdom and I accept your knowledge is far greater than mine, but I would appreciate it if you would simply lead me to the water so I can decide to drink.”

  Quanto laughed. A deep, raspy chuckle that turned into a cough, but he laughed. “My son, you have always been stubborn. Consider, for a moment, the subjects upon which you disagreed with your wolf.”

  “Mariska. The wolf did not want her.” The other half of his soul had been too consumed with grief for Scarlett. Cody paused. “He wanted Scarlett.”

  “Yet, you—the man—did not.” His father gave him an expectant look.

  “No. She’s my sister and I didn’t even realize the depth of the wolf’s feelings until…” Until he’d been separated from her. The wolf’s urgency to be reunited with the woman he had chosen for his mate had driven him to reclaim her from the Kanes. He’d dared their land, their barrier, and their guns alone—and he’d been successful. Not that she had stayed with them in the long term. The need to crawl off and die had been borne from her seeming repudiation…until Mariska. She intrigued Cody and the wolf hated her for it. “But her wolf cares for me. Listens to me. Her wolf does not reject me.” The very idea cut him, even though he knew it not to be true.

  “No, her wolf accepts you wholly, as does the woman.” Still, he seemed to be waiting for Cody to come to a conclusion and finally the old shaman sighed. “Son, your wolf did not want her, yet you did. You fought each other and eventually she won your wolf over. You also melded together these two disparate parts of yourself. You are one.”

  Yes. He and his wolf were in sync, mentally, emotionally, and he would argue physically. His shi
fts, though painful, were a pure extension of himself and his mind was as active in his wolf body as it was in his human form. He was both, man and wolf. Nothing separated him. Scrubbing a hand over his face, he considered his mate. She was not one—she was two. Very separate. Very disparate. In disagreement over… “It is me.”

  “Yes.” Quanto smiled.

  “I am the problem.” He swore internally.

  “No, you are not the problem. You are the prize.” Another hint of amusement. “The wolf wants you. The woman wants you. Neither wishes to share.”

  “Because the wolf needs guidance, pack, and…” He grimaced. “A parent to guide and to teach. To keep her safe.”

  “Yes, and your wife wants you to be her partner, her equal—her lover. You cannot be both. So they fight.”

  The notion was insane and yet…it made perfect sense. “Then I tell her that. I tell them both.”

  “Truly? You think she will react well to this knowledge you would gift her with? Let me ask you, what would your sister do if you tried to give her such instruction?”

  Scarlett would blow something up. Her temper, fierce and extreme, would turn the land around her to ashes. She would disagree with him on the principle alone. “I can’t let Mariska simply struggle. If neither understands what is keeping them apart, they may tear each other up. Nor will I leave her.”

  “I am not asking you to. I am telling you what you must do is much harder.”

  Of course it was. Growling because he could voice none of the words that came to his mind, nor could he ever take such a tone with his father. He waited. Quanto came to him for a reason and he needed to understand.

  Mariska needed him to listen, so he would listen.

  “To unite two warring sides, they must be given a common goal and sometimes an equal reward. Her wolf desperately wants your control. Your woman does not. So give them each what they need, not what they want.”

  What she needed. She needed him to be her partner. To trust her. Sharing the meal she’d prepared had made her very happy. He hadn’t missed the light in her eyes or the sweetness in her kiss when she’d dragged him onto the bedroll after they’d eaten. Letting the wolf play had been another such step. Even listening to her when she said she needed the time alone.