A Fistful of Dreams Read online

  Turning away, she looked across the field to the line of trees. Birds called in the distance. Horses grazed in the paddocks. Bees buzzed and the butterflies flitted. It was paradise here.

  And they were completely alone.

  “Delilah, everyone has different rules about this kind of thing, but when my father met my mother, he brought her presents from far away places. He hunted the finest pelts and delivered to her the sweetest doeskin clothes. He showed her everything he could offer her if she accepted him.”

  Anticipation zinged through her.

  “It’s the middle of winter. I can’t hunt pelts for you or go to a far away place and bring you a gift. But I can give you this…” He stood right behind her. Awareness of his proximity rang alarms through her and excitement. “This is my dream, the place I am building and want to see grow and flourish…with every single thing you find here now.”

  Every single thing present.

  “Me?” He meant her. She turned and looked up at him. “You’re offering this to me?”

  “You don’t have to look scared. I’m not going to run you off if you say no. I don’t even need you to answer yet. But I’m here, I want to be a part of your life and I can provide for you. I can build you a home, fill it with things or not as you see fit. I can bring you here whenever you want to sing your heart out and are worried about what it will do to others in the waking day.”

  Her heart trembled. “We barely know each other.”

  “I know what I need to know.” He sounded so confident, so utterly clear in his faith and his belief. “I know also that Jason may be able to make a different offer…”

  “Jason?” She frowned. What did he have to do with this?

  “Yes, Jason Kane. The man who helped you escape and has protected your secrets. The one man you cannot enchant. I can understand the appeal.” Despite his words, his mouth twisted. He didn’t like it.

  “I don’t want any offers from Jason.” The man’s kindness had helped her escape, but she held no illusions about his motives. He wanted information on Father. He’d also threatened her on more than one occasion.

  “I am pleased to hear this.” His grin said he was more than pleased.

  “I don’t know how to respond to any of this. I don’t even know if I really belong here.” She held up her hand to stave off his protest. “I think I need to say this.”

  “Okay.” He extended his arm and she didn’t hesitate to take it. He set off in another direction, away from the house. Walking helped her gather her thoughts, oddly enough.

  “I’ve spent most of my life, going where everyone else pointed me. I ate the food they set out for me, performed the tasks demanded, and went home to wait for the next request or demand. I didn’t run away because it was my idea, it was Jason’s. I came here because Kid offered me sanctuary.” It barely made sense in her head much less out loud. “I went through the training and practice the two of you asked me for because it was your idea…the only decisions I’ve made were to keep quiet and go to New Mexico. Neither seemed to really work out for me the way I hoped.” Her shoulders sagged and she stopped. Buck slowed and turned, but he didn’t let go of her.

  “It’s okay. You’re still finding your footing…”

  “Is it okay? You’re making me an offer I don’t quite understand and I have no idea where I will be tomorrow.”

  “Tomorrow, we’ll be riding through snow back to the big houses.” He squeezed her hand.

  “And the day after? What about the day after that? You have a plan. I have questions, doubts—and then there’s Father. What if he finds out I’m here? What if he comes after me to go back?” She wouldn’t call it home. If she learned nothing else in her flight and time on the Flying K—where she lived for so many years hadn’t been a home.

  “No matter what decisions you make, you don’t have to be afraid of MacPherson. I don’t pretend to know the man or what he wants or why he does what he does. But there is not a person on this ranch who will not stand against him to keep you safe.”

  “And if I decided to just go back?” It was the last thing she wanted to do, but she knew Father. She knew the power he wielded. She would not invite the war to their doorstep, not while they were still recovering from the last blow.

  “I would hate it.” Buck stepped closer, crowding into her space and giving her nowhere to look but at him. “I would despise that. I would argue with you about it and find a hundred other reasons to ask you to stay and not go, but I won’t keep you a prisoner and if you insisted on going, I’d go with you.”

  Shock jerked through her. “I would never ask you—”

  “You don’t have to ask. We have little control over what happens in our world. We can only control two things—how we approach things and how we handle what’s thrown at us. I want you. I want to offer you everything. If you want to go back, I won’t change my mind, just my location.”

  Her head spun at the dizzying offer. “You can’t leave your family.”

  “I wouldn’t be leaving my family. I’d be going with it.”

  “But we’re not—we’re friends, we’re…I don’t have the words for what we are. But you’re not my brother.” It sounded awful, like a rejection and she didn’t want it to sound that way. Grasping his hands, she blinked back the tears burning in her eyes.

  “No. I don’t want to be your brother, either.” He pressed his lips to her forehead and her heart shriveled. His reply sounded even more like a rebuff than hers. “I want to be your husband.”

  Buck enjoyed watching Delilah while they rode back. She tossed the occasional glance his way and blushed every time she caught him looking. It wasn’t hard. He didn’t pull his gaze away. While she hadn’t rejected his marriage proposal, her dumbfounded response warned him to back off, but only a little. He changed the subject and got her walking again. By the time he sent her back to her own dreams, she relaxed.

  Cody and Mariska hustled them along, shifting to wolf form. They bounded through the snow, half playing, and half acting as guardians. The horses were long-since used to the wolves, but Delilah proved she wasn’t as strong a rider as he believed. So he led her horse, letting her concentrate on staying in the saddle. Instead of the Morning Star cabin or the main house, they rode toward the school and the collection of houses they’d begun building around it. Jo and Micah’s was the largest of the structures next to the school and the most complete. Ropes were strung low to the ground between the buildings, likely to help the kids when the snow was at its worst.

  Thankfully, they’d already seen some melt with the sun up and the temperatures warming. One of the first things he wanted done were new clothes for Delilah, her collection of borrowed garments were ill-fitting and let too much of the cold in. She didn’t complain, but the hunch to her shoulders and the way she kept tucking her chin down into the jacket worried him.

  A handful of the kids were outside working. Some tended animals near the stable, while others carried in firewood. A blur in a dark gray coat broke away from the others and started running toward them. If he had to guess, he would imagine it was Cate.

  She waved her arm frantically and they all picked up the pace. The little girl greeted the wolves enthusiastically, but she squealed when her gaze lifted to meet Delilah’s. Buck swung down to pick the little girl up and she all but lunged up to hug the siren.

  He almost wished he wasn’t holding her when Delilah gave her a gentle smile and said, “Hello, Cate.”

  The child’s volume pitched high and then she wanted up in the saddle and her constant stream of babble accompanied them all the way in to where Micah waited with Jo. Noah was present, as were Jimmy and most of the kids. Sam and Scarlett stepped out to greet them and organized chaos ensued. The kids complained when they were sent off to do their lessons, Jo and Mariska corralling them. Buck sent Delilah into the house while he stabled the horses.

  By the time he rejoined the rest of the family, they were curled up in chairs or sitting on the hearth. B
uck took a seat on the arm of Delilah’s chair. He ignored the knowing looks from his brothers. He really didn’t care if they knew where his interest lay. In fact he preferred it.

  The uneasy silence, however, bothered him. “What’s wrong?”

  “We have a problem.” Sam took the lead, unsurprising since the eldest Kane treated them all like younger siblings since his marriage to Scarlett.

  From the gravity in his tone and the complete and utter lack of humor in his expression, Buck knew they weren’t going to like this problem.

  “Kid’s been gone for five days.”

  Yes. He definitely wasn’t going to like this.

  Cody tensed, but said nothing. They’d been bracing for the next crisis to suck them in and they’d found it.

  “Micah thought he was with me, I thought he was here. With the storm, we didn’t really expect to hear from him. But he’s in neither place…”

  “When was the last time you saw him?” Jimmy leaned against the far side of the fireplace. His relaxed pose a front, Buck was sure. Of all their brothers, Jimmy and Cody were the two most likely to be out on horseback and already searching if they’d known. So clearly not all the information had been shared until now.

  “He brought Ben to the house,” Scarlett sat cross-legged right in front of the fire. The flames seemed to mingle with her hair. “I thought he planned to just leave him with us because Ben’s still not terribly comfortable around Cody and then head down here to help with the rest of the children.”

  “That was the day the storm started in earnest. Scarlett and I had no idea he wasn’t here until we arrived this morning.” A short while before Cody and Mariska led them back.

  “Five days.” Micah rubbed his jaw. “I would say a hell of a head start.”

  “If we break out into pairs, we can cover more ground. There’s plenty of shelter on the ranch. He might have just holed up by himself.” Cody didn’t even sound like he believed the suggestion.

  Everyone threw out their ideas, but the conversation only went in circles. No one could agree on where he went.

  “Why can’t Jason just find him?” Delilah’s question halted the gaggle of voices and she earned the attention of everyone in the room. It was a damn good question.

  “You’re talking.” Scarlett’s broad grin earned a shy smile from the siren, but they didn’t have time to exclaim over it. Buck switched his attention to Jason. The telepath had been silent since their arrival and he hadn’t looked particularly surprised when they detailed Kid’s absence.

  “He’s not on the ranch,” Jason sighed. “And no, before you ask, I don’t know where he is. I do my best to stay out of Kid’s head.”

  Frustration rippled through the room. “Well the closest places he could be are the Smithson spread on the other side of the hills and Kendell’s.”

  “Or the new fort.” Jimmy pulled his gloves out and tugged them on.

  “The new fort…makes sense. Forts usually gather—” Micah hesitated, glancing from Scarlett to Delilah. “—resources. If he’s hurting again.”

  “Dammit.” The ferocious volume of Sam’s curse made Delilah jump. Buck touched a hand to her shoulder and she grasped it. If Kid’s gift overwhelmed his good judgment—again—it could create more problems for them. “We’ll get him…”

  “Wait.” Micah held up a hand. “If he is there, we need a better plan than just haul him home like a schoolboy. Jo and I talked. The kids are all doing extremely well—too well—with their grief. If Kid’s been helping them, he’s taking on too much. Noah and I tried to talk to him a few days ago about the pain he put himself through…”

  “We did?” Surprise crawled across Noah’s face. “We were—the barn.” He shook his head, like a man waking from a too deep sleep. “I remember suggesting he needed to take it easier, but he said he was all right and…I’ll be damned.”

  Silence thickened around the occupants of the room. The reality of Kid’s gift was one they all overlooked, constantly. He could take pain from others, pull the emotional burden into himself, and relieve them. Manipulation to achieve his goals wasn’t that big of a stretch.

  If Kid were at the under construction fort—pulling him out if he didn’t want to leave would be a difficult matter.

  “What’s wrong?” Delilah murmured.

  “I’ll go.” Jason offered. “He won’t be able to turn me away.”

  “Bad idea.” Micah declined immediately, fixing his brother with a hard look. The animosity simmering in Micah surprised Buck. The second Kane son was the easiest going of the four. “You’re part of the problem.”

  “What did I do?” The accusation surprised the telepath.

  “We don’t have time for this.” Cody interrupted the argument before it could go any further. “Kid needs to come home. Jimmy and I will fetch him. Then we need to discuss getting him to Quanto. None of us seem to be able to help him the way he needs to be helped. Winter will make travel difficult, but not impossible.”

  “He doesn’t want to go, Cody. We’ve all tried talking to him and he resists or finds a reason not to go. I’m not entirely comfortable with the idea of forcing him either.” Micah made a fair point. If Kid could distract them, or worse, if Kid lashed out at their choice, it could create greater issues for them.

  “Why don’t I get him?” Delilah’s offer surprised them all into silence.

  Buck shook his head. “It’s off the property and we have no idea…”

  “You’re sweet to offer, but you’re still getting a grip on your ability…”

  “No.”

  A chorus of answers came from around the room, but Delilah raised her free hand. “But I could ride with you. Kid helped me in Fort Courage; I owe it to him to help him. If he thinks we’re there because I need his help, won’t he be more likely to leave?”

  Not a chance in hell was Buck sending Delilah to Kid. If he reacted badly or somehow activated her gift…it didn’t bear risking the chance.

  “It’s not a terrible idea. In fact…” Scarlett raised her voice. “I think Delilah, Mariska and I should go.”

  That shut everyone one up. Cody and Sam jerked their attention to Scarlett.

  “We’re not a threat to him and he’ll likely react just like the rest of you. Get the helpless women folk home.” Scarlett practically dared any of them to say it. Buck had less of an issue with his sister going than Delilah, but she made a point.

  “I don’t like it.” Sam and Cody said in the same breath and the tension in the room gave way to uneasy laughter.

  “At the risk of being on the unfavorable side of this argument, Scar is right.” Noah straightened and skimmed his gaze around the room. “We don’t know why Kid is there or if he’d really reject our assistance. But the women can take blankets and food as a gift, and Kid will likely offer to escort them home—particularly if he thinks they left without our consent.”

  Scarlett’s indelicate snort made Delilah laugh. The sound eased the fist gripping Buck’s heart, but not by much. “Thank you, Noah.”

  “Don’t thank me yet, it’s still not the best idea when we’re trying to keep a low profile, but women tend to be overlooked as a threat. The Colonel is supposed to be in charge there and he’s on our side. You go during daylight. A supply run is just the neighborly thing to do. If any of us were there, we wouldn’t let you come home alone so—”

  “Yet, we’re discussing sending them alone.” Cody was definitely not in favor.

  “But they don’t have to go all the way alone, we escort them to just out of sight of the fort, which puts us close enough to help if they need it.” Jimmy seemed more in favor.

  “Who says we’re going to need help? We’re delivering supplies and asking Kid to ride home with us, not storming the fort to take the cavalry prisoners.” Scarlett rose. “Besides, I could take the whole fort by myself.”

  “It could work,” Sam agreed grudgingly. “But why Delilah and not Jo?”

  “The kids.” Everyone there echoed
in answer. Jo spent the most time with them and she was the rock at the center of their uneasy new world. She was also the most defenseless of the four women. Buck didn’t like agreeing, but if worse came to worse, Delilah could protect herself—as could Mariska and Scarlett.

  “Then we’re agreed,” Scarlett held a hand out to Delilah. “You need new clothes and we need to get the food supplies together. Daylight is wasting.”

  Less than an hour later, they were on the move again. Delilah rode in the wagon next to Mariska who handled the team of horses. Cody shadowed their progress in wolf form, with Sam, Buck, and Jimmy riding around them. None of them were comfortable with the idea, but once Scarlett set her mind to the course, none of them could argue with her.

  Leaving Jason behind had been a choice, one Micah insisted on. He wanted to have words with his brother. Delilah glanced in his direction and Buck smiled, packing away all of his reservations. She needed his absolute confidence.

  It was a simple trip, a ruse to bring Kid home, where they could deal with the issue. It would all be fine.

  It had to be.

  Chapter 17

  Five days of sex, alcohol, and cards left Kid emptier than ever before. Despite the number of men versus the number of women, he managed to bed one or two each night. Numb, he shifted one of the women off of him and rolled to the side of the bed. The cold in the makeshift room shocked his system. Naked, he walked over to the wood stove and used tongs to pull the door open. Feeding wood inside, he crouched to let the heat wash over him. The storm abated the day before. His time at the fort drew to a close.

  He needed to go home.

  Rising, he walked over to the rickety table and used the icy water to splash wakefulness against his face. His skin pimpled with the cold, but he ignored it and went in search of his clothes. The room stank of sweat despite the chill. He needed a bath, but the wash up using ice water didn’t do much more than shake off the grogginess. A hard knock at the door barely stirred the two women sleeping in the bed.